


It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves

by DonttellNightwing



Series: Lost in the Fall [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: And only them, Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Brotherly Bonding, But not with Aziraphale, Crowley Created the Stars (Good Omens), Crowley Lost Pre-Fall Memories (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Gabriel doesn't suck, M/M, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), Pre-Fall Crowley (Good Omens), Protective Gabriel, Protective Michael, aziraphale helped, but that only comes in at the end, the archangels are siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26078617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonttellNightwing/pseuds/DonttellNightwing
Summary: Before the fall, Crowley and Aziraphale knew each other. Though, Crowley went by another name.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Raphael (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Raphael (Good Omens), Crowley & Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley & Michael (Good Omens), Crowley & Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Crowley & Uriel (Good Omens)
Series: Lost in the Fall [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893250
Comments: 5
Kudos: 82





	It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a Shakespeare quote cuz I'm unoriginal.

The emptiness of space was calming. No chattering or whispers about him between other angels who think they are being subtle. Though, subtlety hasn’t been invented yet, has it? Would it only be invented when humans made it up? But it was a thing, otherwise why would he know about it?

Maybe he would ask. Yes, that is what he’ll do. When he is called back. It couldn’t be too long, now.

He turned again to the stars, beautiful, bright, and shining. The colours fading to white as he got further from them. He held a beautiful speck of light in his hands, glowing and turning from blue to yellow to red as it grew. Its warmth seeped into him and the cold emptiness of space. It grew and grew, until it was larger than his head. It continued growing more and more giant. Then, when he believed it was done, he picked rocks and shaped them. Reds and yellows scattered the surfaces. Some were a cold, pale blue. Ten, in total. They rotated around the star that had gotten duller as he worked. Then, as always, he threw them into the night sky, letting them dance across to their proper place.  
He had finished his job for the day and went to one of the closer planets to the Earth. He hadn’t done much for this system, that was what his brothers and Her were supposed to do, as he was sent out farther. He did, though, make a little planet at the farthest reaches, and that is where he was now, looking after the small rock as it passed a dark blue planet.

They didn’t have names, yet. The humans were supposed to do that.

A landing interrupted his thoughts as he turned to see Gabriel also looking out, though most likely to the planet the garden was on.

“She has asked for you.” His voice was stilted, a far cry from the usually light tone he had when he was in the company of his brothers.

“Oh? What’s happened? You’re much more tense than usual”

“There has been, well, rumors, of rebellion. Though I doubt that’s why she’s calling you.”

“Can I have a little hint?” He turned into his more physical form with his brother, the white robes swishing slightly as they moved. 

“Not even I know what she wants, and if I did, do you think I’d tell you?”

“You’re no fun!” he joked, a grin forming as they took off.

Time didn’t exist, at this point, so the trip the brothers took could have been years or just seconds, though it did stretch on for a while. By the time they were back to the garden, Gabriel was less tense, having had put up with Raphael’s constant joking and teasing.

“We’re here,” Gabriel said, not landing on the clouds that stretched above Eden, his wings keeping him a bit above the plush ground.

“I can see that,” He landed and took a deep breath. He didn’t need to breath, but the oxygen filling his rarely used lungs was pleasant.

“Yes, I’ll be going, then. Can’t let Michael deal with all the ‘fun’” his voice took a sarcastic tone at the end, and his brother smiled as he began to leave.

“Better you than me!” Raphael called out to the other and was able to catch Gabriel’s eyeroll as he left.

Then it was just him, alone. He landed on the cloud, its soft fluff curling around his feet as he settled down and folded his wings behind him.

Looking down he saw the garden stretching out below him, its bright green plants and turquoise waters jumping out of the dull yellow desert. He could hear the gurgling of the stream and the quiet footsteps of the animals as they walked along the grass, the stiff stalks of the plants brushing against the animal’s rough fur.

Then, the quiet was interrupted by a voice calling out to him.

“Raphael,” the voice said, “You have done well in your job”

He stood from his place looking down at the garden and began to stand, the cloud moving slightly, puffs of it floating up into the brilliant blue sky.

“Thank you, mother” The quiet returned for a while, neither of them speaking until he decided to ask, “Why did you call for me? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, my dear, all is alright, you need not worry,” He could almost hear a smile in her voice. “I have brought you a helper, the beginning is coming and to finish your job, you need help.”

“I thought you said I was doing well?” he frowned and looked to his bare feet nestled snugly in the cloud.

“Yes, but I do not want you to worry yourself too much or rush the making of the cosmos.”

“Oh” Then he heard the sound of wings coming towards them.

“That is him” She said before her presence faded to a dull flicker, still there, but less obvious and almost undistinguishable from everything else. 

A few seconds later another being landed on the cloud. He too was in his more physical form, his bare feet brushing against the soft ground much like Raphael’s. The angel looked starstruck, and just continued to stare at him in awe. He felt a grin grace his face as he walked toward him.

He wasn’t newly created and had probably been around for a while. He was, most likely, a principality, judging by the robes he wore, and he held himself like he had heard of Raphael. He had snow white wings, almost matching the clouds they stood on, which was uncommon, since most angels had wings with at least a bit of colour, and none of them are the same.

He remembered seeing wings like that when he left, a fledgling whose wings were incredibly fluffy. Though, all wings were like that in the beginning. How long had it been? Time hasn’t been invented yet, but he had created over ten thousand galaxies since then, so it had to be long.

He held his hand up to the angel, and the poor thing looked about to collapse. Cute. 

“Raphael,” he said, trying to calm him down with a warm smile.

“Aziraphale,” he said, his voice quivering, but otherwise professional.

“So, you’re supposed to help me?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, then, come with me.” He grabbed the angel’s wrist and opened his wings, dragging him into the air.

He let Aziraphale open his wings and start flying before letting go of him and flying off, challenging him to a race.

Raphael landed in the city only moments before Aziraphale, but he would chalk that up to him not wanting to lose the angel already. He was breathing heavily and leaned against one of the near by walls.

“I don’t think that’s fair,” A voice teased from the side, “Eight wings tend to beat two.”

The two angels turned to the owner of the voice who was leaning against one of the walls nearest them.

“Samael!” Raphael smiled brightly at his brother.

“I heard you were back, I just had to see it for myself,” He looked to Aziraphale, and his eyes widened a fraction, “Oh, is this why?”

“Mother decide that I need more help, since you and the others are focused here.” He gestured around the city that was still being built, the eggshell white walls and buildings half made. It was usually bustling with angels, even when he was there last, and now there were a lot more of them.

“Yes, well, we have a little time, Michael and Uriel wish to see you” His smile brightened further with the mentions of his siblings.

“Where?”

“I’ll lead you to them,” he looked to Aziraphale, “Will he be coming with you?”

“If he wants.” The angel nodded and they both followed him.

The whispers followed them as they went, angels seeing the three and whispering, gossiping. They glanced at the small group, and some of the brave ones even stared. None were brave enough to actually talk to the three, though.

Aziraphale looked slightly uncomfortable, rubbing his arm shyly as they were reaching their destination.

“Ignore ‘em” Raphael smiled at the angel, then grabbed his wrist and sped up to catch up with his brother.

As they approached the garden again voices became louder. Talking and laughing loudly, a stark contrast to the whispers and gossip of the city.

“You should have told me!” he gasped, feigning offence at his brother, “We could have gone straight here instead of going back and forth!”

He rolled his eyes, “Uriel went to get you, but you’d already left, you’re lucky I was still in the city.” He elbowed his brother before leading them farther into the garden.

They reached a clearing soon after. It wasn’t large like some of the others, though it could fit the six angels comfortably. The floor was a soft moss that winded between the roots of the tree that sat in the middle, and flowers bloomed in blues and yellows everywhere. Little blossoms of pale pinks decorated the edges and the tree’s leaves created cool shadows where they could hide from the sun’s sweltering heat. A small stream trickled through the roots and rocks at the base of the tree across the clearing, splitting it. 

The talking quieted and three pairs of eyes looked to the newcomers.

The three angels were sitting comfortably on the moss, flowers poked up around them, contrasting starkly against their clothes. None of them had their wings out, since the space wasn’t large enough. Gabriel was sitting behind Uriel, flowers in his hands as he wove them through her hair, and Michael had their hair in braids with flowers already. They were working on a flower crown before the three entered.

“Raphael!” Michael smiled as they placed the crown beside them and stood to greet their brother “Who’s this?” She gestured to Aziraphale.

“Aziraphale,” Gabriel answered for him, “He was one of the last I taught to fly before I was moved to head office. Why are you here?” He turned to the angel.

“Well, the almighty thought it best that I, uh, help with the,” he gestured vaguely up, “Stars.”

“Come on,” Raphael laughed and placed a hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder, “Don’t torment him.”

The three went further into the clearing and sat with the others and they fell into a pleasant silence. Gabriel continued braiding Uriel’s hair while Michael moved to place the crown they had made on Samael’s head, then moved on to braiding Raphael’s hair. Aziraphale sat to the side, on the rocks surrounding the tree. He ran a finger along the roots gently, as if they could break. 

Raphael picked a couple flowers and began braiding them together. He mixed together the bright whites and pale purples, then began weaving different flowers and greenery to fill it out. He played with the crown a bit, making sure that it would be perfect, and wouldn’t fall apart. Before he knew what he was doing, he placed a little of the stardust he still had between the petals, making the flowers sparkle a barely noticeable amount. 

When he was done, Michael had already finished. He got up, the soft moss crunching nicely as he did, and went to Aziraphale, who was still sitting on the rock, but was now looking through the leaves at the sun.

“Did you make it?” he whispered as Raphael approached him, a small smile gracing his features.

“No, but I made a lot of the others.” He sat on the rock next to the angel, letting the sun warm him. “It’s so much more beautiful up close.”

“I can imagine”

“You won’t have to, soon.” He grinned and dropped the crown onto his head, moving his short blond curls so it stayed secure, before grabbing his wrist once again and bringing him closer to the other archangels. 

“You don’t have to drag me everywhere, you know.”

“Oh” Raphael said, dropping the hand as if it had burned him, “Sorry”

“It’s quite alright, just a bit disorienting”

Both angels ignored the other’s blush.

Soon after the ‘break’ was off, Raphael returned to the stars, this time with someone beside him. During the flight to next galaxy’s place, Aziraphale started talking more, asking about different stars, commenting on Raphael’s stories, and even telling a few of his own.

“Here, this is how you do it.” Raphael said as he held the angel’s hands and moved them like how one would make a snowball, though snow hadn’t been invented yet.

Slowly, the clump of stardust began to grow, and it began glowing a warm orange.

“You can also make planets, after,”

“How do I do that?” Raphael’s eyes were so bright, they were practically glowing like the stars around them. He loved to indulge in another’s curiosity.

“Like this,” he began doing the same thing as before, but before the object began glowing, he breathed on it. The beginning glow flickered out, and a dull rock sat on his palm. “If you do that at different times, you can make it more solid or gassy.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale did what he did, but breathed on it sooner, and the planet seemed like it would break apart. Raphael was grinning.

“You’re a fast learner!” he laughed, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. Then they continued on, Aziraphale stopping occasionally for help, but growing better at it.

They were in the garden, again, though this time it was only Aziraphale, Raphael, and Samael. The clearing they were in was covered in small flowers in pale pinks, purples, and blues. They talked as Aziraphale watched them make animals. 

Then, Raphael held out a thin blob that seemed to be squirming.

Samael snorted, “What’s that?”

“An animal,”

“How’s it supposed to do…” He looked at the thing weirdly, “Anything?”

“Well, they’ll wiggle,” he wiggled to demonstrate, “And they’ll swallow the food whole.” He didn’t demonstrate that.

“But it needs to move, it can’t just wiggle.”

“It’ll also hop, sometimes, and inch.”

Samael rolled his eyes and began making a similar creature but adding legs.

“You can’t do that” Raphael pouted before playfully pushing his brother, the three began laughing as they spent the break from the stars enjoying the garden.

They were almost done. Raphael could feel it. The universe wasn’t filled with stars, and he knew that, but something was coming. He had asked the last time they went to the garden, but he didn’t get a straight answer from anyone. While no one told him anything, heaven was tense, as if waiting for an animal to pounce.

They were close to the garden, closer than they’d been before. Most of the stars were rather far away, but this was so close, they were basically in it’s backyard. 

They were close as they each finished their stars and threw them into space at the same time. At once they were caught in each other’s orbit.

Aziraphale gave Raphael a small smile that made his heart jump before leading him back to one of the planets he had made. It wasn’t a long flight, but it was enough to have the tension build up. Waiting, like heaven is waiting.

They landed and stretched, going back into their physical forms. Aziraphale looked nervous. Raphael could feel the fear, but a great feeling of love calmed him. He wasn’t worried. He trusts Aziraphale.

“I-I don’t mean to be forward,” he said, looking remarkably like how he did when they first met, “But I have been, well, feeling something, recently, and I don’t know what it is.”

“Oh, what does it, well, feel like?”

“It’s, well, hard to explain. It’s this warm feeling, like safety, but more tingly. Like siting in the garden at night when the fireflies fly around, but better, if possible.”

“Oh,” It sounded remarkably similar to how he sometimes felt when they were together.

“I know it’s hard to imagine,”

“No, no, I get it, I understand. Like how it feels when I make the stars.” And when he was with Aziraphale.

“Oh, is it normal then? I just never experienced it,”

“No, or, yes. I’m not sure, but I’ve only started feeling it recently,” he took an unnecessary breath and closed his eyes, “I feel it with you,”

“Oh?” Aziraphale blushed slightly and ran a hand through his hair. Raphael knew he was blushing, too. “So, where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know,” he took a step toward Aziraphale and ran a hand through his curls, untangling the knots it was tied into.

Aziraphale leaned closer to Raphael and closed his eyes, then placed his lips over Raphael’s. He followed, closing his eyes, and breathing in through his nose, as if he needed to breath.

He could hear both their hearts beating rapidly and felt love. It wasn’t the love he normally felt, being an angel and all that, but something more intense. More personal. And only for Aziraphale.

He sat in the garden quietly as he looked after the plants, talking once in a while to them, but mainly listening to the birds chirping.

Aziraphale was called back to heaven, and while he was gone, Raphael had decided to go check out the garden. He had expected to see one of his siblings, but they weren’t in the usual place, which confused him. Was that the reason they were called back? 

Actually, he hadn’t seen any angels around, which was odd. Most times at least one would be walking around the garden caring for the animals. The whispers about him had disappeared, and the city was completely silent. The walls seemed to be constricting, the pure white seeming to be medical. Bleached, not like Aziraphale’s wings. It was oppressive. The multicoloured wings were gone, and the few he had seen zipping away were less vibrant.

The crunching of moss alerted him to someone entering the clearing, and he looked up to see Samael.

“Raphael” he said, giving him a sad smile. 

“Yes?” Something was going on, and not something good, “Why are you here?”

“Can I not say hello to my brother?”

“You can, but something is bothering you, what is it?” His brother deflated and looked at him sadly.

“There is going to be a war in Heaven, and you need to choose a side.” His heart dropped to his stomach.

“What?”

“Our mother is hiding things from us; we need to stop that. I’m not going to stay in the dark while she works on her ‘great plan’”

“So, you’re just, what? Going against her?” he asked, trying to prevent his voice from hitching, “You know how stupid that is, right? She’s omnipotent!”

“But what if she isn’t? What if she’s lied to us?” Raphael stepped backwards and shook his head.

“I’m not talking about this with you, but, please, think what you’re doing over.”

“I have, and I already have many supporters. The war is coming, Raphael, and you need to choose a side. Choose mine.”

“What? You want me to choose between you and the others? You know I can’t do that.”

“You can, and you will. Goodbye, brother. I hope you make the right decision.”

A few hours later, though time was still quite fluid, Raphael sat on the little planet he made on the outer edge of the garden’s solar system. He tensed as he felt a presence approach him, still disturbed by his brother’s comments before. He let the tension ease when he recognized the presence as Aziraphale’s.

He felt a heart aching pain coming from the angel as he landed and had to restrain himself from rushing to him.

“I thought we were meeting in the garden?” He said, his bright blue eyes looking at him puzzled.

“I had a run in,” he sighed and went to Aziraphale, tucking his head against the shorter one’s curls.

“With whom?”

“Samael.” The name was slightly muffled, but the angel still heard it.

“So, you know.”

“Not much, just that there’s a war coming and he’s the leader of one side.”

“He asked you to join him?” Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Raphael, as if he were the more powerful of the two.

“Yes,” Raphael moved in closer and leaned down, putting his face in the crook of Aziraphale’s neck.

“And did you agree to join his side?” Raphael’s head shot up and he looked to Aziraphale, he looked hurt.

“No, course not.” He looked conflicted, though.

“And not heaven’s side, either?” Aziraphale asked, though he knew the answer. Raphael shook his head. 

“You were brought to the meeting because of the war, weren’t you?” The angel nodded, and let go of Raphael, taking a step back. He reached behind him and held out a sword, careful to hold it only by the handle. 

It was relatively simple, the handle was uninteresting, and the blade was a silvery metal, a normal principality’s weapon. Fit for a soldier.

“You will fight.” He felt like everything was slipping away from him.

“For heaven, yes,” he looked at the sword and stared, as if it had already done something unforgivable. “What will you do?”

“I will stay neutral.”

“you are a healer, my love, how can you do that?” The pain in his voice was thick.

“I won’t work for either side, I’ll heal whoever I find.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “But what if something happens. I will not fight you.”

“And I won’t fight you.” They both smiled slightly and closed their eyes as they leaned into each other’s lips. They spent who knows how long in the other’s embrace, savoring the moments with the other before they could be taken away.

They spent time in the garden when they could spare it, but, as the war went on, it became more difficult. Raphael had patients to care for and Aziraphale had responsibilities as a principality to attend to. 

This was one of the few days they could spend together.

They were both laying on the rocks below the tree, Raphael relaxing against the rocks and warming himself with the sun. Aziraphale sat on the rocks with three of Raphael’s dark wings on top of his legs. It was quiet and calm as Aziraphale tidied the feathers, gently coaxing them to lay more comfortably with the others. Aziraphale’s wings were tucked in, so as to make room for the eight of Raphael’s. His had already been cleaned, so he was returning the favour.

“You really don’t have to, you’ve already fixed two of them, you don’t need to do them all.”

“Love, I’m okay with doing it, I enjoy it, but if you’d like me to stop, I will.” Raphael sighed, and let Aziraphale continue.

They were at the third set of wings when someone spotted them like that. They stayed quiet and watched the two relax, waiting to confront them when they were done. They didn’t want their brother’s wings injured, after all.

As they waited, their other two siblings joined. For a moment, when he first saw them, Gabriel was about to barge in, but quickly thought against it.

Raphael was smart, he would only allow someone he trusts to touch his wings. If he trusted the principality, they would as well. 

The three watched as they finished, Raphael stretching his wings before hiding them away again, and then placing a flower crown on his head. They watched as their brother leaned down and placed his lips against the principality’s in a great display of affection.

Taking it as their queue, they left, and decided to keep it between themselves, for now.

The end was approaching. Everyone could feel it. The waiting of smoke in the distance was turning into a raging fire. In the calm before the storm, though rain hadn’t been invented yet, Aziraphale and Raphael floated in space, listening to only each other.

Raphael was scared, as much as he would deny it. He knew something was going to happen, and he didn’t want Aziraphale to get hurt. He was selfish, he would admit that.

He led Aziraphale to the planet they first confessed their feelings on, and sat on it together, closer than most would ever be allowed to sit to him. He felt a strange calm set over him as he took the sword from Aziraphale and looked to his eyes.

“I’m trusting you, okay?” his words were barely a whisper, and he felt his heart pound, “Do what you think is best, alright?”

“Yes, okay” Aziraphale said, though he was confused what that was about until Raphael was holding the sword by its blade and whispering to it. Suddenly, the blade burst into flames.

Raphael handed the sword back to the angel before leaning into him, closing his eyes, and committing this moment to his memory.

The Fall was brutal, especially on the field. Lightning struck the traitor’s wings and the clouds against their feet gave out, making them fall down and down. Raphael rushed through the crowds, screeching echoing against his ears. He had to find someone! Anyone!

As if his prayers were answered, he found Samael. As he ran toward his brother, he watched lightning hit his brother’s wings. He was so close he could smell the sulfur and taste the ozone like it was his wings burning. As the clouds vanished, he reached for his brother. He was so close. He felt his brother’s fingertips slip away and watched in horror as his brother fell, tears and pain and, the most heartbreaking, acceptance.

He felt tears flow freely as he kneeled by the hole, an aching pain throbbing through his heart. He wanted to scream, so he did.

He sat there longer than he could remember, possibilities of what he could have done, what he could have changed.

Most of the army left, though he didn’t notice. All he saw was his brother’s face as he fell. 

When Aziraphale sat beside him, he leaned in. He felt his siblings around him, comforting him. He couldn’t hear them, but he knew they were trying to convince him he would get better, that it was for the best. He didn’t believe them. How could he believe something that they don’t believe themselves?

They stayed there for who knows long before they had to leave.

Michael was first, they were the ‘leader’ after all.

Gabriel was next. He was to deliver the message of victory, though that seemed redundant, now.

Uriel after, she gave him a small hug and left.

Now it was only Aziraphale and him.

“Why?” he heard his voice crack but couldn’t seem to care.

“I don’t know, It’s her plan.”

“It’s ineffable.” He whispered, a dry laugh cracking through his throat.

He felt numb. He only really felt anything when with his siblings or Aziraphale, but there was always a part that was missing.

Many fell after the first, though none were as large. Some saw what she did was cruel, and they fell, which kind of proved their point. 

The med wing was probably the most focused of these falls, since the ones there were hurt and easily grew bitter.

Barely a day after the Fall, he had enough. Each time he saw one fall, he felt worse. This needed to stop.

It got colder as he got higher up in the sky, the chill would have made him shiver, if he could. 

He looked up, and let his wings fly him higher and higher.

The pain got worse as he approached, the longing growing stronger.

When he entered, the pain had almost grown overwhelming. He handled it as he approached his mother, who sat watching angel-like beings. They looked similar to their physical forms, just without wings.

“Mother” he said as he went approached her.

“Raphael” she turned towards him and waved her hand, the images dissipated.

“What are they?” 

“Humans, they will be in the garden, soon.” She waved her arms again and the humans reappeared in her hands. She held them out to him and placed them in his hands. They darted about, tickling his palm. 

Before his eyes, their population grew, they learned how to grow, to hunt, to cook. They got hurt, died, loved. Their cities grew and were destroyed. 

“Why?” he asked as he watched the land be washed away and then rebuilt. “Why would you create them for this?”

“It is necessary.” 

“But why? Why are you going to allow this?” the pictures rewound to two humans at a tree. The tree. The one he and his brothers sat around. He watched as the serpent tempted them. “Why would you punish them for doing this, just for wanting to know what’s right and wrong.”

“They disobeyed me. They tried to be gods,”

“And that is why they will feel pain? Because you told them not to do something so easy. Will you even warn them what will happen?”

“They have free will.”

“Free will is giving them a choice. This,” he nodded at his hands, “This isn’t free will.”

“You will learn, one day.”

“No, why have you created them? Us? Why are you casting out anyone who questions you?”

“Questions turn to rebellion.”

“Not if you answer them!” he could hear his voice breaking, and knew he would soon cry, “Please, I need to know why they will be so hurt, why they will feel so much pain.”

“I am testing them,”

“You shouldn’t test them to destruction!” 

Her face turned stony, and she seemed to decide something.

“You shouldn’t say those things” it was almost a whisper, a plea. He didn’t listen.

“Why?”

The clouds darkened and a booming sound surrounded him. His wings felt heavy. He knew before the clouds began dissipating around his feet. Before the pain of falling began. 

“Mother?” he asked as the clouds disappeared and he dropped.

Her face was the last thing he remembered.

It was plain, blank, like she was watching flowers grow, like he was nothing.

He felt his wings break as they fought uselessly against the invisible binds, then he felt fire against him, burning as he fell. 

He felt his wings rip out, the bones shattering as they were pulled out of their joints. He watched as the limbs were ripped away and disappeared from sight.

His two remaining wings were chard beyond recognition, the stars that normally decorated the dark wings were covered, leaving just a dull, ashy black. 

He felt his bones crumple and could hear the cracks as he himself began to change.

He began forgetting. The garden, his siblings. The stars.

As he crashed down into the river of burning sulfur, his last thought was of Aziraphale, and how sorry he was to him.

Then he forgot him too.

**Author's Note:**

> I have ideas for the next story, but haven't written it yet, so let's see if I finish this series.  
> Thanks for reading! <3


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